I realized that I haven’t posted anything silly in a long time, so here we go with some pick-up that lonely dudes (and some chicks) have used on me! And yes, most of these are from the internet, which doesn’t help the stereotypes of lonely 30 year-olds!
</3 You can emote with me any day.
</3 (While playing a male character on Guild Wars) Is that a stack of iron in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?
</3 Can I raid your base?
</3 (While working at a coffee shop) So… wanna go out for coffee sometime?
That’s all I can think of for now, I may update as I remember them! So, what terrible (and hilarious) pick-up lines have YOU been subjected to?
You know I like to point out anything that’s awesome and comic-related, so beyond me happily stating that yes, I will be attending Pittsburgh Comic Con next week, I have another little shameless plug.
Off the Cape is a Podcast for my fellow City of Heroes players out there. It’s cool. It’s fun. You should check it out.
First vignette from Bird Noises, my work in progress.
— Swimming Upstream
I don’t believe in fate. People say bad things happen for a reason – it’s God’s way of teaching us, of sending an important message. But I can’t accept that. If we dismiss every tragedy as a lesson, something to grow in spite of, then what of the sacrifices made? If you wake up one morning to find out that your best friend had died in a horrible accident, does that mean that their entire reason for being was to die so that you could learn? Do the ends justify the means, then?
I asked these questions of a woman from church, who listened patiently, but I knew it was out of obligation and not because she had any real interest in my questioning. Eventually, I gave up trying to reach out to her and fell silent. She put her hand on my shoulder and said, in a soft voice, “Don’t worry, child. God’s light will shine through your doubts and see you through to the end.” I nodded automatically, wishing I could believe her, but all I could think about was how she smelled of roses and baby powder.
To be honest, these days I only went to church out of habit. Somewhere down the road, I had lost my faith in humanity, and my faith in God wasn’t far behind. I wanted to believe. I really did. But I couldn’t, and faith isn’t something that can be forced.
After church, I typically go for a walk in the park just down the hill from my house. With summer in full swing, it has been getting more crowded, and there is almost always a party going on under one of the pavilions. Despite this, I’ve always managed to secure a secluded spot under a tree to sit and rest. Usually, I’d read, but today I found it hard to focus on my book. I kept thinking back to the night of James’ funeral.
I hadn’t gone. Instead, I wound up at a family-owned bar, wearing a black dress and a somber look. I don’t know why, but the closer I got to the church, the more I wanted to run away. Perhaps I wasn’t ready to say goodbye. Perhaps I was scared.
The bar was dimly lit and an old jukebox sputtered out 80’s tunes. The bar had a real classy look – photos of strangers lined the wall, mixed in haphazardly with license plates and memorabilia from previous decades. I recognized a few of James’ friends seated at the middle of the bar. They glared at me accusingly as I sat at the far end and ordered a drink.
Hypocrites. They were all here for the very same reason.
An old TV set was playing a recording of a football game. A heroic player scored that final touchdown, leading the Steelers to victory. I had seen it a dozen times.
“Man I will never forget that moment,” one of the guys at the bar began. “Remember how James jumped up and got his hand caught in the ceiling fan?” His friends laughed half-heartedly, mumbled a few “yeahs”, and went back to their drinks.
James had been devoted to the city united by its sports teams. He said it was easy to make friends as long as you wore a black and gold jersey. He loved Pittsburgh and had been ecstatic to see it through a Super Bowl and a Stanley Cup. But the City of Champions had a life of its own and hadn’t noticed his passing. But I noticed, and all the golden cups and bowls in the world could not fill the gaping hole he had left behind.
Suddenly I had to get out of that bar, before I suffocated from the gloomy atmosphere that threatened to suck the remaining life out of me. The men watched me leave with solemn looks on their faces, as if they were envious of my ability to escape that place. I stepped out of the building into blinding sunlight. I shielded my eyes for a moment, as I had forgotten it was still early in the afternoon, and the day was far from over. I crossed the street and headed home. In the grass under an aging oak tree, I noticed a newly-hatched bird. The mother flew down and tried in vain to carry it back up, but after a few moments, she gave up and left the baby there, alone, and returned to her other children.
There is a Native American tribe that believes that the trout’s upstream journey is symbolic of the soul’s struggle to reach Heaven after departing the body. I wondered if James, always determined to win and ready for a challenge, had had any trouble at all.
So a good friend of mine, Dee, FINALLY opened her doors for commissions, and it’s not an offer you want to pass up. She only has 5 spots open, and the prices are probably lower than they should be. So, hey, with the holidays coming up, why not give your loved one something original? Things bought from a store are so yesterday.
Her terms are:
Prices:
Full Body: $40.00 This includes head to toe shot, action pose, full color.
Waist Up: $30.00 This includes head to waist shot, full color.
Chibi: $30.00 This includes head to toe chibi body, full color.
Head Shot: $20.00 This includes head to bust, full color.
Quick Scetch: $10.00 Any of the above as a quick scetch(not clean line art), no color
Etc:
+Person(s): $10.00/+Person In addition to the original price.
-Color: -$10.00 Subtracted from the original price,No color, just line art
-Background: -$5.00 Subtracted from the original price. No Background
Rules:
No Hentai
No Nudity
No Copywritten Characters
No Refunds
Pay through PayPal (some acceptions)
You’re taking chances if you want an animal
Why are you still here? Hop on over to her website now!
What happens when you get eight people together on a team that has to fight zombie schoolgirls?
Why, hilarity ensues, of course.
[Team] Megumi Yamato: You know what Vegetarian Zombies like? GRAAAAAAAAIIIIINS!
[Team] Stradivarius: /ignore Megumi Yamato
[Team] Phantom Protector: *facepalm*
[Team] Armless Ann: Conductor zombie: TRAAAAAINS!
[Team] Phantom Protector: That’s it, you’re all going to suffer a terrible arc after this
[Team] Masked Shrike: Pilot zombies: PLAAAAAAAANES!
[Team] Detective Mackey: photographer zombies: FRAAAAAAMes
[Team] Armless Ann: Chiropractor zombie: PAAAAAINS!
[Team] Mekkanos: Good lord!
[Team] Stradivarius: XD
[Team] Megumi Yamato: Plumbing Zombie: DRAAAAINS!
[Team] Phantom Protector: Yeah you’re all going to suffer
[Team] Mekkanos: Those puns are going to do more damage to my brain than this virus possibly could
[Team] Stradivarius: Weatherman Zombie: RAAAAAINS!
[Team] Phantom Protector: Keep this up and I’m going to pull up the uniocracy of grey
[Team] Detective Mackey: Cypress Hill zombies: INSAAAAAANE IN THE MEMBRAAAAAANES
[Team] Masked Shrike: Construction Worker Zombies: CRAAAAAAANES!
[Team] Joe Normal: im to busy laughing to type….
[Team] Stradivarius: Michael Jordan ZOmbie: HAAAAAAANES!
[Team] Detective Mackey: dry cleaner zombies: STAAAAAAINS
[Team] Armless Ann: rofl
[Team] Megumi Yamato: Lion Tamer Zombie: MAAAAAANES!
[Team] Phantom Protector: I warned you
[Team] Stradivarius: Lion Zombies: MAAAANES!
[Team] Stradivarius: DAMNIT MEG
[Team] Armless Ann: Window cleaner zombie: PAAAANES
[Team] Megumi Yamato: HAHAHAHA!!!
[Team] Megumi Yamato: YOUR MIND: OPEN BOOK!!!
[Team] Megumi Yamato: Dog Breeding Zombie: DAAAAAANES!
[Team] Stradivarius: Arachnos Zombies: BAAAAAAANES!
[Team] Megumi Yamato: HAHAHAHA!
[Team] Detective Mackey: Paris Hilton zombies : FAAAAAAAMES
[Team] Megumi Yamato: It is a universally accepted truth that a zombie in possession of brains is in want of more brains
[Team] Stradivarius: Sugar-High Zombies: CAAAAAANES!
[Team] Stradivarius: Also, Handicapped Zombies
[Team] Masked Shrike: Doctor Zombie: SPRAAAAAAAAINS
[Team] Mekkanos: Zombie in traffic: LAAAAAAAANNNES!
[Team] Phantom Protector: I hate every single one of you
[Team] Mekkanos: Oh good lord. Now you’ve got me doing it
[Team] Mekkanos: HELP!
[Team] Armless Ann: Yay!
[Team] Mekkanos: Oh, yay, we’re not infected
[Team] Armless Ann: One bit me on the arm, but well, you know…
[Team] Mekkanos: It’s probably nothing
[Team] Megumi Yamato: Blood Mobile Zombies: VEEEEEINS!
[Team] Stradivarius: Pretty Zombies: VAAAAAAAAIN!
[Team] Armless Ann: Something-offensive-to-women zombie: COMPLAAAAAIN
[Team] Phantom Protector: It’s alright, Dan, Fanny’s the only woman here
[Team] Phantom Protector: And since when have we cared about offending her
[Team] Stradivarius: I’m not easily offended *stabs Dan*
I have always been fascinated by the Dungeons and Dragons world, from the books to the computer games, but I never got serious about it until recent months. My boyfriend is the DM (Dungeon Master for the less D&D savvy) of a campaign, which prompted me to take a deeper look at the world and the game itself, beyond Neverwinter Nights 2, which, incidentally, I got him into. :p
Allouenza in City of Heroes
He sent me the character builder some time ago, and I mainly used it to give my City of Heroes characters D&D classes. Simply put, I liked it but I didn’t take it seriously. More recently, however, I rolled my first serious character, Allouenza. (There is a story behind that name which I won’t get into now.)
Now, Allouenza herself has existed for a while now. Her first creation is, shockingly, as a City of Heroes character. You’re surprised, right? She started off as an electric/ice blaster, and then as an electric blast/electric armor Arch-Villain class for a story arc (Well of Discord). Finally, I wanted to give her a giant freaking hammer, so she’s currently a level 1 mace/electric armor brute, waiting for Going Rogue so she can be a hero. Her CoH story is as follows: She originates from Mu, making her thousands upon thousands of years old. She was granted eternal life by the goddess Hequat herself, as a reward for being an excellent leader in the Mu-Oranbegan wars. However, as time progressed, she got tired of Mu’s single-minded ways. She realized that the bloodshed would not stop at Oranbega – Hequat wanted to destroy everyone in the world who did not worship her. Allouenza betrayed Hequat and went into hiding. She only recently appeared again, in Paragon City. She helped found the super group known as Relentless, but later stepped down from leadership. She remains a member to this day. (In the timeline of The Transcendent and Saving Alyss, she is no longer a member of Relentless, as it was disbanded. I refuse to confirm that she may or may not possibly potentially maybe make an appearance in Saving Alyss.)
Allouenza in Perfect World
Allouenza then appeared as a cleric in the free MMO, Perfect World. This is where the gears started turning and I began thinking of a story for her, seperate from City of Heroes. Unfortunately, from what I’ve seen so far, Perfect World doesn’t have a one-handed hammer. They have pole hammers though, which are rather ridiculous. But that’s fine, because their clerics seem to focus entirely on spellcasting. Which is kinda blah to me, given my preferred playstyle: Run in and punt faces. “Plume Shot” is rather cool, though. The best I could do for her was give her heavy armor, though that proved to be an issue as well, so I settled for medium armor.
It was shortly after some time spent adventuring in Perfect World that I sat down in front of the D&D Character Builder and really thought about what I wanted Allouenza to be. I liked the hammer concept in City of Heroes and the “protector” role in Perfect World. Her class was obvious. Now I had the beginnings of a concept. Allouenza would be a cleric wielding a hammer, capable of taking damage while still defending her party. And clerics get a few lightning spells, which ties into the original electric concept. As for a race, I’d assumed I would make her human. That is, until I picked up Player’s Handbook 2 and read about the Deva race.
Deva, courtesy Player's Handbook 2
Not only are Devas beautiful, but they happen to specialize in being Clerics and Paladins and stuff. They have a near fanatical devotion to Bahamut, who is a dragon. How cool is that? Immediately charmed by their Paladin, well, uh, charm, I started reading more about them. And I found more good things.
When sitting or standing at rest, devas remain almost perfectly still, except for the occasional blink of the eyes. They don’t fidget or twitch, and their eyes move only when they are actively examining something. Devas do not have children. When a deva dies, his or her spirit is reincarnated in a new, adult body that appears in some sacred place, such as a mountain peak, a riverbank, or a desert oasis. The new deva retains enough memory of past lives to speak and understand multiple languages and offer the proper prayers and sacrifices to the gods of good.
There are a lot more neat things about Devas, and I highly recommend looking them up. In the spirit of keeping this article from getting too off topic, I’ll stop gushing here.
Allouenza in NWN2
Before I get to the artwork that this post will eventually lead up to, there is one more place where Allouenza has appeared. The other day, I fought with my computer for hours until I could get Neverwinter Nights 2 running again, specifically, Mask of the Betrayer, which I am determined to beat. I figured it was a good opportunity to try out this new concept, albeit with an older edition of D&D. After all, it could be the only action Allouenza gets to see for a while. Ten minutes into the game, after a bout of sweet-talking Safiya into giving me +10 Reputation with her, I cast all of my buffs on the two of us and aptly crashed. Oh well.
And now, at last, we can talk about the art. Last night, for some reason, I deemed it necessary to drive myself to madness by drawing and coloring a picture of Allouenza. Drawing her basic form was easy enough. I decided she needed to be muscular and well-built, not super slender and busty like the City of Heroes models. While drawing her, I had a discussion with a friend about how there is no way to make a female reasonably proportioned in that game. It was an amusing conversation, but we’re getting off topic here. With the outlines done, I put off drawing armor until the very end. I made her hair and face nice and pretty, drew the shield and hammer (thanks to my boyfriend for finding something for me to model the hammer off of, though initially he sent me a picture of M.C. Hammer, and the aforementioned friend sent me a picture of Captain Hammer), and had fun drawing the cape. (Fun Fact: I drew pupils, even though Devas don’t have any in the picture I was using as a reference. I removed them in the colors, but kept them in the sketch [below].)
But then, inevitably, it was time to draw the armor, and I was fresh out of ideas.
This is where my boyfriend came to the rescue. He came up with a fantastic idea involving leather and chainmail. As I lacked an inner eye for this sort of thing, he drew me a handy dandy picture to help. Now I bet you’re wondering why one boot is labeled “boots” while the other is just “boot”. There is actually a reason behind this, and that is one boot exists in multiple dimensions while the other only exists in one. It causes no complications for Allouenza, though it does baffle people in the other dimension when they see just one boot walking around on its own.
Digital Inks
Ultimately, I didn’t go with this exact idea because I decided I would kill ten men while trying to draw chainmail. So, after tossing ideas back and forth, we opted for platemail and leather. The design was such that Allouenza would be properly protected while allowed mobility. More ideas were tossed back and forth until I had a proper armor set for her. A lot of the inspiration came from the Neverwinter Nights Toolset. The upper half of the armor is pretty much based off of the standard Full Plate design. The Deva wing was added as an afterthought, really. It suits her.
Another issue that came up was my limited knowledge of how D&D 4e works, which is again where my boyfriend came in. After some time spent researching Holy Symbols on my own, and only really finding evidence that suggested it was held in the off-hand, I consulted him. Fortunately, he revealed that a Holy Symbol can take any form and be located anywhere on the body. I immediately thought of using it as a brooch. Practical and convienent (for me and Allouenza). And it would allow her to use a shield. He suggested that I make the Holy Symbol a dragon scale, since I had chosen Bahamut as her deity.
The shield pattern was directly taken from the Player’s Handbook. You may recognize the shield as the image presented beside the description of Bahamut.
With the lines sketched and finalized, it was time to scan and digitally ink the picture. This is my favorite process, as it happens to be the quickest and easiest. Provided my pencils are dark enough, I can just throw the scanned image on Illustrator and use the Live Trace tool. Handy, right?
After that I moved the inks to Photoshop and set up all the layers. I use a different layer for every color, and sometimes even seperate the color layers into different objects. I won’t get too technical though, as this isn’t a tutorial and there are better artists to go to if you want one. Artists willing to make tutorials. I lack the patience.
I usually start with the skin, as it’s usually the lowest layer and a good foundation (get it? haha?). There was a small debate here. Originally, I had intended to give her blue skin, but I couldn’t find a good tone and went with purple. I had a thought and used the color tool to tint the purple blueish, but by then I had already sent a screenshot of the purple skin to my boyfriend. Unsure of which I liked more, I sent the blue one to him as well and he opted for the purple. I think it was a good choice.
Everything after that flowed, with only a few other decisions to make (with his input, of course). Should the cloak be red or blue? Since the cloak is blue, maybe I’ll make the cloth at the waist red instead? I was ready to make the shield blue and silver when he pointed out a detail I had missed in my research: Bahamut is known as the Platinum Dragon. He suggested that I make the icon of Bahamut platinum-colored, a suggestion that I gladly took.
With all the details in order, the lineart was colored with ease. I gave it a background and tossed in some flavor text, signed it, and promised myself I’d be done with art for ten years. But now I’m gathering ideas for the next piece…
Click for full image.
